Jewish Dating On-Line

Jewish Dating On-Line many people are trying it to meet that special someone – as a Matchmaker we hear -”we want to meet someone with this type of personality, or someone who is sensitive, caring considerate. Not “cheap”. Certain personality traits can not be found out by a phone call.  Even though our service – Jretromatch - has at least one benefit over some of the other sites, as we actually speak with our members to get a better “sense” of who they are, we still may not “pick-up” certain character traits that so many people are asking us for.

Were on-line dating may not be the perfect situation for everyone, it can be the first step for introduction. What was blind-dating so many years ago, at least now you have the opportunity to review a brief profile, and photo’s prior to accept a match.

I still find though, that with on-line dating people become more “picky” because they have the profile they can reveiw and decide by just a short few paragraphs if this person is for them. Unless there is really very specific things mentioned – how they want to raise a family, political orientation that may be so different then your own, a specific trait that you don’t get along with – why not accept the potential match. A phone call is the next step, and then you can discuss certain issues that are important to you – and find out if there could be more potential.

In Jewish Dating – I some times believe that the Orthodox community has a better outlook on dating. When you find out that someone has gotten engaged only after 3-10 dates…how could this be, how can someone consider marriage after such a short time, how can someone really know a person after only a few dates, how…

Well, the dating is different, the discussion is values, what you want and see for your future, is this person good, kind, considerate. Yes there may even be checking the people out before they go out to see if there is potential for this match.

The dating is not spending two years ( or more) going out and having fun, dinner dates, social activities, vacations together to see if we can live together”. Take this out of the picture – during this time – you may have fun, travel around, but are you also speaking with each other, and figuring out if you have the same “plans”, expectations of what you want in a marriage?

Dating is difficult, no matter how you go out and search for your partner. But before you actual date, really decide why are you dating. Is it for a casual relationship – to have the fun with someone so you are not on your own? Or is it to meet your future partner? When you really decide why you want to date, then when it come’s to on-line dating or any other method, don’t “kid” yourself, you may actual have met and because you where to “picky” they are no longer available.

Technorati Tags: Dating, Dating scene, Jewish dating, Jewish Dating Sites, On-line

Dating is hard work

If you are not ready to work hard, trying  everything possible and be committed to dating – then take a step back.

Dating is hard work – Lets look at some of the standard responses to not wanting to go out: Jewish Dating can be even more difficult as you also want to find someone that will be compatible with your religious beliefs.

* not physically attracted to them.

Okay lets look at this – physical attraction. How can you really tell by the photo. I receive emails from so many people how after they have met someone that the person didn’t look anything like there photo..so if you are declining a match for this, think again. How many people meet and say they where not physically attracted to each other and over time once seeing how the person was – chemisty and attraction grew and made it work

* personality

Speak to your friends, family and co-workers. Are there partners exactly the personality they wanted. We are all different. Maybe meeting some so totally different, can bring the balance of the relationship together

* Distance

Distance is hard – but if this is the only way to meet someone – isn’t it worth the sacrifices – the financial means – the travel, if you end up together.

* not religious enough/ too religious

I realize this is difficult as some people don’t want a person that is “finding” themselves. But you can open up a little to someone a little more or less. When you are married you end choosing how you want to practice, especially when you have children. This is something that you can also work together and finding your comfort zone. Or if you are flexible and open to someone a little more or less then your self as long as you respect each other within your belief’s.

Bottom line. Dating is hard work – but you have to really work at it. Don’t spend the time if you are not serious. If you are serious then use every option available out there. Dating site’s, single’s events, matchmaking services , speed-dating the list goes on..

Technorati Tags: Dating, Jewish dating, relationships

Your ideal match, is there one?

I read so many profile’s being a matchmaker and everyone always speak about what there ideal match should be. But what if your ideal match is not what you think s/he should be?

If I wrote a profile of what I was looking for when I was single it would be something like this…

Energenic, fun, spontaneous woman who loves travel, the outdoors, exploring and going off the beaten track. Enjoys hiking, skiing, and is open to try anything once, except for bungee jumping. Is not really into music, but do enjoy it when I hear it and have to say I am a little bit county and rock and roll…enjoys dancing, dinner’s out, good conversation. Is Modern Orthodox/Conservadox, wears pants and is not planning on covering her hair. Loves Shabbat and the traditions of Judaism. Spending time with family and friends. Have a huge extended family that are very close, and even though we live far apart we all do our best to stay in touch. Loves kids, and hoping to have a few. Sometimes I feels like one , and will do silly things that are unexpected. Enjoys life, and is very independant

Looking for similar, but if not you are willing to, and we can find ways to compromise.  If you are not religious that is fine, as long as you are willing to take on some, if you are divorced/with or without children, hopefully you have secure employment. Career doesn’t matter, but being employed does, with a position for your kids and ours, and together we can work it out. 

Have no set physical expectations as long as when we meet the chemistry can grow. Lets meet and see how it goes.

Okay reality: Found my partner.

He loves to stay at home, has no desire to travel or experience anything new. Keeps in touch with some of his family but with the extended family rarely knows what they are doing. When we met he was between jobs, and no real profession, had just left the police force after 20 years and was going from job to job, security – LOL – NONE.  Relgious: We where pretty much on the same level so that was good. He was divorced with 2 children, and no job. Not into going out, did I mention just likes to be home. Hiking, skiing, travel…in his mind it is a waste of time.

Today: Happily married – we have 2 children – that where adopted ( that is a whole other story), we are close to his children as well – but distance makes it difficult. When I want to do things usually take the kids and we have a great time. He stays at home. Haven’t skiied in 8 years. Travel – we moved to Israel away from family and close friends, so our travel is to visit everyone. I will now attempt to book trips with a stopover so we can get a chance to see another country – or an airport and we can say we where there. Next stop Kiev.

I love to go out, I just say we are going and he will agree – but his preference is a dinner in the house with the kids. Hiking – places to visit around the county – he usually views it from my photo’s.

But we have made it work..oh..religion. We are Shomer Shabbat – don’t eat out in non-kosher restaurants, I have stopped wearing pants, and do cover my hair.

So my suggestion to all of you. Ideal matches – forget it, meet someone who is nice, supportive, who together you can work everything out – compromise and make it work. Otherwise – I guess you will remain single.

If you are open to meet – the try the many on-line dating sites,

Technorati Tags: Dating, ideal match, profile's, Your profile

“Shopping” for your ideal partner

I have seen this post through emails and other dating Blogs. It is a familar scenario, and one that is so true. Are you looking for what you can’t have? Being realistic in meeting your potential partner is one of the most important things. Yes we want the “ideal” person but look around, ask your friends and co-workers – are they really married to the perfect person? IT DOESN’T EXIST. GO ON TO DATE AND BE MORE OPEN

Read on…

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: “You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!”

So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: “These men Have Jobs”. The second floor sign reads: “These men Have Jobs and Love Kids”. The third floor sign reads: “These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.”

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

At the fourth floor the sign reads: “These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.”

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: “These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.” She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: “You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.”

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. It too has six floors. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

IS THIS WHAT THE DATING SCENE HAS BECOME. ARE YOU AFRAID TO MAKE A REAL COMMITTMENT TO MEETING AND FINDING A PERSON THAT MAY NOT FIT INTO YOUR IDEAL BUT WILL BE A WONDERFUL SPOUSE? DON’T GO SHOPPING – WITH SHOPPING YOU CAN ALSO RETURN THE GOODS AT ANY TIME.

MARRIAGE – RELATIONSHIPS – DATING IS SERIOUS AND HARD WORK – YOU NEED TO BE COMMITTED TO IT – AND NOT THINK WELL IF I DON’T LIKE IT IT CAN BE RETURNED.

So it is time to stop and think – and be serious – go out there and join the dating sites - take courses – socialize in the environment that you will want to meet someone

Technorati Tags: Committment, Dating, Dating scene, relationships

Be yourself in Dating

When you are meeting people in a natural setting – at a party or with friends you usually act yourself. They tend to meet the “true you”. Be this way when you are out on a date. Don’t try to be someone who you aren’t, because eventually this can only hurt you.

With on-line dating sites  - it is very easy to write what you want, you hope this will attract the person – but when you meet them how do you explain yourself?

So many times we see people not telling the truth about there age. It is easy to “take a few years off” But is this really fair to someone you meet. I realize many people today are “younger in years” then they really are – but don’t deceit the eachother. This is not the proper way to start off a relationship when you are dating.

I realize we sometimes “embelish” the truth a little,  but when it comes to age, employment,  just be honest. Don’t start off the relationship this way – someone will always get hurt  when they find out the truth.

Personality as well – we all try to please our partners and say we enjoy things we may not – be honest with each other. You always can remember the stories of 50 years later – the woman is serving her husband dinner – and he finally says how he dislikes it..when she asked why he never mentioned this to her..he says..I never wanted to hurt your feelings. This is very nice..but is it worth spending 50 years not enjoying your dinner.  Just be honest with eachother from start.

You are dating to meet someone – just be yourself – if it is meant to be you will like eachother for who you both are not for who you are trying to be. If you do not believe that who you are is the best..then maybe before you begin to date you should be looking at yourself and seeing where YOU can be making changes.

Technorati Tags: Dating, On-line sites, relationships

Purim Time: Jewish Dating

Purim – It is a day to hide behind the mask. We dress up, and play make believe. We can be who ever we want to. Many people get a little drunk, and we “stamp” out Haman’s name when we read the Megillah.  Maybe we should think about this.

Today more and more people are asking when dating, one question. What is it? How does he/she look? We ask about the physical being of the person before anything else. Let’s think about this. We also play dating “games” you say you are serious but never actually follow through on matches. You call a person and figure if the conversation doesn’t go well – why bother to give it a second chance. You go out on a date, but it may not go well – so instead of being a little considerate and making the best of the situation, you leave through the back (maybe without even settling the bill). Instead of giving it a chance or being more open.  

Physical look – not what attributes this person has, not if they are a good person, or what type of family they are from. We look first at the physical. I am not saying this is wrong, of course we want to be attracted to our partner, and there has to be chemistry, but attraction and chemistry can also grow. Who the person is, and what they can bring to the relationship probably won’t. Are they kind, considerate, can they be a provider, and you don’t need to have a great profession today to be able to provide for your family (as we have seen with so many people out of work) you need someone who can be there through emotional support, hardships that will happen in your daily life.

Socially – you want someone who is committed – not into the “partying” ( or maybe you still want this) but think if this is how you want to be as you want to begin a relationship – are you still trying to be a kid, maybe it is time to “grow up”.It is time to stop hiding behind the masks, playing make believe, and stamping out what isn’t right. It is time to make commitments, be realistic, and maybe take a few more chances.

Purim Semach

Technorati Tags: Committment, Dating, Jewish dating