Most Bizarre First Date

by Ye Xiaoyu.

Charles was one of those friends like dried meat; he will last forever if you keep it right. It was no wonder that when I told him I was back in the city he excitedly invited me to his birthday party. I had really wanted to finally meet his fiancé. The day he asked me I was sitting in my room, naked as usual, and made a decision right there. The path to recovery meant getting out and continuing my life where it left off.

The meal was uneventful except for Charles who ate a 32 oz steak single handedly after demolishing the appetizers. Charles was always this excited guy and the fact that he had not slept more than 3 hours in 3 days meant he was manic. His constant aerobic demonstrations made the rest of us who were out of shape and well rested feel jealous. Afterwards we ended up in his place, with me ignoring many phone calls wondering when I would get home.

We broke into two splinter groups, one that enjoyed World of Warcraft far too much and the rest of the people trying to be social by talking over Resistance: The Fall of Man as we passed the controller amongst ourselves. Charles and me started talking and eventually the topic returned to my current ‘funk’ as I describe it that way at most three times a month. “Man, you aren’t doing well” he said. I did not respond, I was tired of hearing myself say it. “How about I find you a girl?” he suggested. I laughed, probably a second too long judging by his reaction. “Maybe you should, all I know is that I’m oscillating between horny as hell and depressed.” I said. I picked up the beer bottle and took a long drink from it. Charles had that concerned look on his face. “You’re taking this pretty hard aren’t you?” he said in that slow tone that was unusual for him. I did not want to say anything, and I did not have to.

(more…)

Vodka Honey, Straight Up

by Leora Klein.(edited by Alix Strauss)

Dan sounded great on paper: Upper East Side, Fieldston, Brown undergrad, NYU Law, formerly a corporate lawyer, currently a CEO of a nonprofit that seeks to foster peace between Palestinian and Israeli children…My mother met his mother at a charity dinner. Seated next to each other, nibbling on raisin nut rolls, patiently waiting for their salad plates to be whisked away, they noticed that neither woman ate the shaved fennel. By the time the blackened sea bass was served they were dear friends. She didn’t wait for dessert to show my mother a photograph of her son, and my mother called me from the car on her way home to tell me the great news.

“She had a photograph of her son in her evening bag?”

“Actually, she had it on her cell phone, and he looked very handsome with a nice head of hair.”

“Did you inquire about his height?” I am 5’9″.

“I did and she said he was taller than her husband, and her husband was tall.”

He sounded too perfect. My mother always taught me perfect doesn’t exist.

(more…)

Ever Been Someone’s Worst Date Ever?

by Gregory Smith.

As a single person, we all make mistakes out in the dating world. If you are freshly single, you tend to make some fairly stupid mistakes related to etiquette – like assuming too much about a woman or a relationship, or being nervous, or not really knowing what you are doing, etc. For those of us who have been around the block once or twice (ha), being someone’s WORST DATE EVER takes on a whole new meaning. Although it can be quite an accidental art form, in most cases it is just flat out stupid. Part of the majesty of being single is one’s ability to go out and make dumb mistakes … not repeat them … and hopefully laugh about them later. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you’re fine.

I’ve lived with my present girlfriend for several years – and I’d say this relationship (among other things) brings me stability. Prior to her, however, I went through phases where I found myself in various highly entertaining situations … not all of which turned out well. For example, what I’m about to describe is an evening where I’m quite positive I turned out to be THE WORST DATE EVER for the woman I was out with. I, myself, have been out with different women who could compete for being MY worst date … but I thought it would be fun today (New Year’s Day) to write something critical about myself. ;o)

Cindy was a tall good-looking redhead – several inches taller than me, in fact. I had known Cindy for roughly ten years … and for quite some time our relationship consisted of us hooking up maybe once or twice a year for a date which almost always ended up in screaming hot sex. I didn’t see her more than maybe twice a year because she lived in Santa Barbara – which made her “geographically undesirable” in terms of being a regular girlfriend or lover. Neither of us wanted to trade in our respective jobs and move – as we just weren’t that interested in one another. We had sex … great sex … but that was where our mutual interest ended. She was also pretty fun to party with – we’d usually go out to a restaurant or club, and party pretty well before the real entertainment got started at either her place, or at my hotel.

(more…)

The Columbian Merry-Go-Round

by Samantha Jacobs.

He was a few clowns short of a circus, and had a mop of curls on his head that could easily be mistaken for a miniature poodle. Nonetheless, I was attracted; apparently, so was he.

We started dating in my sophomore year of high school. We were hooked up through a particularly heinous form of online dating: the “Instant Message Blind Date.” Here’s how it works: a (hopefully) well-intentioned mutual friend sells you on each other and exchanges your screen names. Voila, dinner and a movie via AOL.

(more…)

How I almost married my AIM lover

by Heather.

One night in July, I was up late on the computer, and recieved an instant message from some guy. It stated, “Hey, remember me?” I didn’t know who it was so I asked him a few questions to see if I could remember. Well, he told me that I met him at some party, which wasn’t true, b/c I hadn’t been to any parties in years. Turns out, I really didn’t know him, just some random instant message. He was the funniest person I had ever encountered on the net, so I just kept talking to him.

(more…)

Dating Embarrassment

by Chania

Well, dating is never easy when you’re 16 and desperately want a boyfriend, but it can get much more difficult if you’re very naive and with your head in the clouds.

I had my first boyfriend at 15 (it only lasted a month and a half), and I can’t possible imagine what I saw in him then. But at that moment I was so eager to have a boyfriend that I was literally “blind”. One afternoon, after waiting 3 or 4 days for him to call, I simply got out of the house, in spite of my father’s warnings that it is embarrassing for a girl to look for a boy and to contact him, and that she should wait (“That’s what I have been doing for 3 days, dad! I want to see him!” Man, how desperate it sounds now…) and I went to his block of flats. I knew that at that hour (around 6.30 pm) he should be outside with the boys, playing football. But nobody was there, probably because it was dark and cold.

(more…)

Is that a Sty in your Eye?

by Karen Rodriguez

I was 24 years old and divorced living in a house with six other flight attendants, with only a laptop and a suitcase as my real processions. However, that wasn’t the worst part. I was now at the airport being picked up by my first date via Myspace, which is a current site being used by people who were too broke to pay any fees at a real dating site. Surely, this was a recipe for disaster, but having found love and marriage so quickly at a young age once makes me an eternal romantic.

His name was Peter. He was 26 years old, divorced, with a 5 year old daughter, and working at a hardware store. Amazing the potential suitors you can find by just typing in your zip code while including a twenty mile radius. Even if we did not have movies, passions, and interests in common, we had divorce, starting over and heartache to dwell on. Soon after, what followed were the awkward first phone calls. After the second week of phone conversations he let me know he told his daughter that he had a new girlfriend. This should have set off an alarm in my head. Instead I was flattered. A flight attendant’s life could at times be very lonely, and a friendly voice during a layover in Alaska or Kuwait was better than watching an episode of the Golden Girls.

(more…)

Dater Beware : My Encounter with …

by Paul G Akins Jr.

Dating can be summed up in one word, annoying. The whole process and all of the games involved irritate the hell out of me. Which is why when my friends suggested that I give online dating a try I politely said hell no.

But after about a month of harassment and ridicule I signed up to a few sites to test my luck. I was surprised by the shear number of sites and how many lonely and horny women there are out there. All just waiting for Mr. Right, but for right now they’ll settle for Mr. Big Johnson and Sir Quick Tongue.

I met a few women online but one stands out. Her names was, well you don’t really need to know her name—besides it was bootyluscious or lickous or something. Her real name wasn’t important, however her butt was. From the pictures she had on her site this girl had a nice big, juicy, yet firm butt.

(more…)

How I Made It Through the World’s Most Awkward Date

by Sara Hodon.

Online dating is not for the faint of heart. It’s good if you post a profile but don’t have the highest expectations in the world, because more often than not, you’ll be disappointed. But if you’re considering trying it—congratulations! You’re far braver than about 80% of the single population out there.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m no stranger to the world of online dating. Though I haven’t met a bona fide, “Okay-I-must-be-leaving-now-because-you’re-too-weird-for-words” wacko, I’ve definitely had my share of bad experiences. The hard part is just getting through the date itself. This can be tricky, particularly if you seemed to hit it off so well when you first started talking. Sadly, my friends, a person can post as many pictures as they want, but until you experience the real thing, you can truly only take a picture at face value.

So the real question remains—how do you make it past those awkward moments on a first date?

Unfortunately, I really don’t recommend jumping out of the bathroom window—that is, unless you absolutely have no other choice. As a wise man once said, sometimes you just have to suck it up. It is possible to meet The One online (I know plenty of people who have), but it’s a lot like shopping for bargains—the trick is to sort through the rejects until you get to the one worth keeping.

(more…)