How to nose around without being too nosy – A dating guide

by Rose Johnson.

Wow! Not only is your online date good looking, suave, well-dressed, but a rock star/investment banker/rocket scientist? Sounds too good to be true — and, chances are — it might not be true at all. From my year or so of online dating, I’ve learned how to sort the good apples from the bad and I’d like to share some of the tricks I’ve picked up to background-checking potential dates.

It’s human nature to inflate our accomplishments, pat ourselves on the back, and brag a little, especially when you’re speaking to an attractive member of the opposite sex. In the context of online dating, it’s even easier to create a false persona, to portray ourselves in just the right light. It’s so easy to change a B.A. in English to a M.A. in Physics with just the switch of a single letter. It’s even easier to add an extra zero added to your yearly income. And when the time comes, it’s still easy to carry out this persona. A rented car to impress a date? Just make sure the Budget sticker is inconspicuous. A borrowed apartment? Not to worry, just insure that your date doesn’t notice the Metamucil in the medicine cabinet or the six bottles of vodka in the recycling – “it’s not mine! I swear!” might not cut it.

White lies are fine, we all want to impress our dates, but I want to give you the advice that I’ve learned for some good back-ground checking to make sure your date is really who they say are. On my first online date, after an hour of good conversation flirtatious eyelash-batting with “David,” the “stable Physics graduate student,” it leaked that he had been a “graduate” of college for ten years without a job, without a relationship, and was currently couch-surfing between friend’s pads. I’m not here to pass judgment on those couch-surfing unemployed guys – for all we know, they could be the one! – but I am here to pass judgment on liars. An unemployed creep with a thing for feet could be disguised as an upright investment banker and I’m here to tell you just how to distinguish the two.

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The Fake Women in My Life

by Andy Cowan.

As with the early days of live TV, the early days of “live women” are starting to seem like a quaint remnant from yesteryear, yet another golden age we didn’t know was golden until it faded away with our memories. I admit that most of the ladies who’ve been “communicating” with me lately have been prerecorded – as when I recently answered the phone and heard, “Hi, this is Wendy! Great news!” It would be greater news if the Wendy in my life wasn’t an automaton.

My most serious relationship with a virtual woman – My voicemail secretary. Unfortunately, I know she’s been two, three and four-timing me with other guys, and women, after I reach their voicemail and hear her busily answering their phones while busy not answering mine. But at least she sounds as detached with them as she does with me. (I was starting to take it personally.)

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